| Hippo | Gorilla |
|---|---|
|
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| Wins 100.00% of 1k fights | Wins 0.00% of 1k fights |
In this week's edition of Fantasy Brawls we've got an interesting matchup for you between two animals that couldn't be more different. In the red corner, we've got a mighty Silverback Gorilla and standing across from him in the blue corner, a nasty, angry Hippo. Apparently the matchup is being searched for by people like you thousands of times each year, so let's finally put this debate to rest by first analyzing the size of these two creatures.
A hippo... the answer is a hippo. Don't get me wrong gorillas are massive and super jacked, tipping the scale at well over 500 pounds of pure muscle. On their hind legs they can stand up to 5 and a half feet tall and in their knuckle walking form, around 4 feet. They would truly be fearsome in a Jiu Jitsu tourney.
But let's not kid ourselves, compared to a hippo these beasts are toddler size. A fully grown male hippo can weigh a whopping 4,500 pounds and stand around 5.5 feet at the shoulders. The behemoth completely outclasses the silverback in terms of sheer bulk. But does all that girth translate to power? Find out in the next section.
Gorillas are much stronger than humans and if you've ever wondered how much they can bench press or squat, check out my article on how much can a gorilla really lift. A little spoiler, gorillas can lift up to 2,000 pounds and possess unrivaled grappling abilities. They can also launch vicious strikes and have long, sharp fangs that can puncture most animals with ease.
These apes are truly powerful but hippos are simply in a league of their own. Their tremendous size affords them deadly explosivity. They can flip small boats, cars, and crocodiles without breaking a sweat. While they won't make great martial artists, they excel at murder. Not much crosses paths with an angry hippo and lives to talk about it. Without question, the power edge is going to the hippo.
Gorillas, with their knuckle walking ability, can reach a top speed of 20 miles per hour. This makes them fast enough to catch up with most humans and to unleash devastating charges. Now, you would think given how big and girthy the hippo is it would be slow as dirt... but you'd be wrong.
These aquatic tanks are actually a bit faster than gorillas with their top speed maxing out at up to 30 miles per hour. But that's where the advantages end. Hippos are really only fast in a straight line and are about as agile as a slug. They rely on their overwhelming might and tusks to topple foes, not their agility.
Gorillas on the other hand can turn on a dime, are coordinated enough to grapple, spin behind enemies, climb trees and more. In a fight they are like humans on a godly amount of steroids without the negative side effects. But, in a straight line, hippos are faster. Silverbacks really only beat them out when it comes to agility.
Knowing what we all know... the gorilla is clearly the underdog on paper. The stars will have to align just right in order for the gorilla to walk away from this one alive. Now, how can a gorilla overcome such odds? Simple, with a properly placed bite to the hippo's most vulnerable spots. Here's a quick list of the areas the mighty ape must target to have a chance.
The underbelly - The skin here is much thinner than it is on the rest of the body.
The eyes - The gorilla will have to be careful since it's so close to the mouth but blinding any organism is a near perfect path to victory.
The ears - A little further away from the mouth but still in the danger zone. Damaging these sensitive areas can throw off the hippo's spatial awareness enough to launch repeated attacks unanswered.
You might be thinking that the gorilla should go for the neck, but that would be bad for a number of reasons. One, hippos do not have exposed trachea, so it's not likely to get an opportunity to strangle it or slice it. And two, the neck is so short and strong that the gorilla will never get a chance to wrap its arms around it. Its only path to victory lies in its ability to blind, then cut a significant enough hole into its belly that it bleeds out.
If it manages to get lucky and sever a major artery, the hippo will bleed out in around 15 minutes. If it ruptures an intestine, maybe around 60 minutes if the gorilla is lucky. But, in reality, the gorilla will only land minor punctures that would take hours to inflict any meaningful harm.
This is all assuming the gorilla isn't crushed or bitten in half like a Hot Pocket in the process. Sorry, my fellow gorilla fans, but unless it's King Kong fighting the hippo, there is no realistic way of surviving this bout.
In all 1,000 scenarios we ran through the Fantasy Brawls battle simulator, the hippo absolutely destroyed the gorilla. Under most circumstances a gorilla cannot kill a hippo. Apes are strong but they do not have the tools they need to get the job done. The hippo's neck is too thick and short to strangle. The skin around the neck is too thick to slice and even the weakest parts of its body are strong enough to withstand the gorilla's hardest blows.
Can a gorilla actually kill a hippo?
Not really. While gorillas are incredibly strong and intelligent, they simply don't have the physical tools to take down a hippo. The hippo's thick hide, size advantage, and deadly bite make it nearly untouchable in a one-on-one fight. Unless the gorilla gets very lucky and lands a deep hit to a weak point, it's just not happening.
What are the hippo's weak points in a fight?
The most vulnerable areas on a hippo are the underbelly, eyes, ears, and possibly the inner leg. These spots are either less protected or filled with sensory tissue. But getting close enough to land a meaningful strike there is a massive risk. One wrong move and the gorilla is done.
How fast is a hippo compared to a gorilla?
Hippos are faster in a straight line ,they can hit up to 30 miles per hour. Gorillas top out around 20. But gorillas are way more agile, can climb, dodge, and attack from odd angles. Hippos are tanks. Gorillas are fighters. Very different energy.
Could a gorilla strangle a hippo?
Nope. The hippo's neck is too short, thick, and muscular. There's no clean angle to get leverage, and the windpipe isn’t exposed like it is in more slender animals. The gorilla would be wasting time trying to choke out a walking battleship.
How long would it take a gorilla to kill a hippo, if it somehow got the upper hand?
Best case scenario? Maybe 15 minutes if a major artery is severed. An internal rupture might take an hour. Realistically though, the damage a gorilla can do is mostly superficial and wouldn't lead to a quick bleedout. It would be a drawn-out, desperate struggle that the gorilla is not built to win.
Is there any environment where a gorilla might stand a chance?
Maybe in an extremely tight forest or mountainous terrain where the hippo can't move well. If the gorilla could use the environment to its advantage ,climb, trap, or strike from above ,it might delay the inevitable. But even then, it’s still a serious uphill battle.
The hippo easily takes the bout with the gorilla but what happens when it runs into a more worthy opponent? Check out our analysis of Hippo vs Rhino to see if the hippo can continue its victory streak. And if you want to play out this scenario and many others yourself, head over to Fantasy Brawls the Online Game. To take things up a notch, consider signing up for a free account.
Fantasy Brawlers with accounts can battle other brawlers, use advanced battle mechanics like poison and burn, as well as climb the leaderboard. Finally, be sure to follow us on X @fantasybrawls to be the first to know about new battles and contests.
Posted by: Matt Irving on 05/20/2025
